By J Robert Smith
- April 7, 2024
- 4-min read
American society is in full retrograde motion. Tomorrow — yes, tomorrow — a solar eclipse is going to cut a swath across the United States, southwest to northeast. Fear and trembling are in order.
In any one place, the eclipse is expected to last a grand total of 4 minutes and 27 seconds. Yet, the reactions to this much anticipated astronomical event are downright droolingly stupid.
Here in Western Pennsylvania, where I reside, schools are opting to close. The eclipse track is slightly north of here, meaning that 98.3% of the eclipse is visible. The excuse for the closings is that kids might harm their widdle eyes staring too long at the solar event.
Since peak eclipse will occur a smidge after most schools are dismissed here, high schoolers who drive may rubberneck to observe, say school district authorities. Not only will teenagers go blind, but car accidents will be more plentiful than teacher workdays. Who knows? Kids staring at the Awesome Spectacle while on school property rather than at home might be legal liabilities. Don’t put that calculation past pencil-necked school administrators and district lawyers. If your kid stays at home and goes blind, it ain’t on us!
An email notice sent from a local high school to parents follows. The school’s name has been edited out to spare administrators and faculty acute embarrassment, yet, with any luck, the day will come when the aforementioned are mightily embarrassed for their inanity.
“Following up on the communication below that was sent on March 24th regarding the Solar Eclipse, the District will operate on a Flexible Instruction Day (FID) on Monday, April 8, 2024. Students will not report to school but will complete their schoolwork from home.”
In the course of my 66 years on the planet, there have been eclipses now and then.
When I was a middle schooler, an eclipse occurred during a school day. Wouldn’t you know it, my science teacher made it a science project. He brought disposable polarized glasses to class. We all had a chance to take a look at a natural wonder. Hard to believe, none of us went blind, not even temporarily. Even us kids back in ancient times didn’t look at the eclipse without 1) eye protection, however rudimentary by today’s standards, and 2) after being told not to stare at it. Hard to believe that us primitives had enough sense to follow instruction.
Kids today aren’t genetically different than kids back then, though 0.000003% claim to be the opposite sex. Or their disasters-of-parents claim. Contemporary kids, having the same brains we had, can certainly grasp commonsense. With proper guidance, overwhelmingly, most wouldn’t gawk at the eclipse with their unaided eyes. In fact, this eclipse could be another swell learning experience. The universe is chockful of magnificent wonders compared anything you can see on a handheld screen.
Ah, but therein may be the rub. Perhaps there are too many parents today who don’t parent? They indulge their kids rather than guide, instruct, and discipline. A lot of schools aren’t going to do much more than mommy kids, because, you know, it’s futile when parents don’t parent and lawsuits pop up like mushrooms.
When it comes to the Great, Spectacular, Wonderous, Humongous Eclipse of 2024, kids don’t need to be mommied and skip school. Or, alas, maybe they do. But, if we want today’s kids to become real adults, mommying them all the time ain’t gonna cut it.
